I still drinked. It doesn’t matter which computer you use. It kind of matters, actually. What matters more (though) is that you use one, and preferably regularly. It doesn’t matter if you have a consistent computer setup routine. It kind of matters, actually. It doesn’t matter whether you type in your room next to your bed, or if you come in here and use a laptopo,. It kind of mattrers, actually. Obvious.y, none of it matters. Fuh. Reading Donald Hall’s essay from right before he died was kind of depressing, because it was all about being tired and old. I mean, that’s cool I guess. How can a dream be convincing? It’s not trying to convince you of anything, is it? Is it trying to make you think you really are on acid, standing by a hotel room’s bathroom sink, singing embarrassingly to yourself about Chinese Chicken, with a piece of paper on the counter by your right hand bearing typewritten words that, should your wife or girlfriend come in and look at them, would not redeem you and make you seem profound and epiphanic, but would rather mostly consist of silly words about Chinese Chicken? As you grin at yourself in that mirror, aware that you’re a pathetic, laughable, movie character who’s not the hero? On drugs? Why would any entitiy (or yourself if that’s what a dream is) (and that seems like a lonely thought) want to trry to convince you of that? I’m bored of myself. If there’s one thing the repetition of this little exercise has taught me, it’s that I got to get away from writing about myself. Let’s make a list of things it has taught me: - got to get away from writing about self - urge to plus ability to use delete key makes you think faster and less accurately - macbook keyboards really are stupid in number of ways, especially the arrow keys, but also the flatness because it makes you hit two keys unless you’re RIDICULOUSLY spot-on with your keystrokes. Which is stupid because the swiftness of the keys makes you want to type faster, not more slowly and carefully, so basically it sets you jp for massive amounts of typios. - self loathing is a thing i do like taking a drink in the morning but way more subtle, as a way of gearing myself up for failure. it’s a way of pre-emptively proving that there was a good reason for failure, so the failure not only won’t be my fault, but will in fact be my virtue. - Donald Hall’s depressing essay was a little redemptive because of the way it ended (“Here they are”)--it showed that he was the Lord of All That’s Left I suppose, and that even if there was just a wispy little dried blade left, it was still a grain of generosity both to himself and others. And that’s really nice. Bittersweet I guess you could say. Still depressing, but bittersweet too. Kind of like that sad AF movie the girls watched last night: Grave of the Fireflies. Which would have been devastating had not the American dub voice for the four year old girl sounded like a bad Care Bear movie. But it was still pretty devastating. But it’s good--the girls need to see and think about stuff like that--the human aspect of war and misery and death and ordinary, real, clueless people being quietly snuffed out in anonymity. Because other people matter. That’s what I got from that movie, even though I didn’t even stay in the same room and watch it. Wikipedia and stuff said there had been a debate over whether it was an anti-war movie; I think it was an “other people matter” movie. Which I guess you could say is the same thing, but it’s not. Representing the minute human aspect of war, making it visible and real and small and quiet, that’s just telling the truth. You’re not telling anyone what to do or think. - I can be a little more flexible with work environment than I thought; I can stop and do fifteen minutes pretty much anywhere. That’s a good thing to know, but I don’t know if I can “apply” it to anything else, but maybe I don’t have to. - this keyboard, when I get going on it, sounds like chocolate rain. Like butterscotch hypnosis. If I could get to where I could type on it without the double key problem, it could be pretty sewert. That’s “sweet” on a normal keyboard. Guh. - so far, if I get up to or past 750 words, I’ve usually hit on at least one little thing that seems kind of significant or that makes me feel something or go “huh.” And that usually makes me feel more springy and supple and able to start the day. So that’s nice, if nothing else. If I really get into it and get up past 1000, there’s usually the same but just a little more of it. - some days are better than others