092618 even just teh introduction of light to your eyeballs changes how you think; rearranges the furniture in your mind. cat ass trophy: alexa is sticking her tail right up next to the keyboard so it rests on my wrist like a muff for my wrist? so, i am so tired it’s not the butter, it’s the terminal toke should probably skip that part. then maybe i would be well i would still be tired. Garage door next door opens, rumbling in a punctuated moment of background noise. But of course, to them, it’s not a background, and by them i mean my neighbors, and of course, to them, they’re not “mine” at all. Isn’t language and consciousness weird, kids? anyway. that’s “neither here nor there” because it’s both, at once, and neither also, because in space there is no up or down or north or south or whatever there is north or south in relation to a planet, though, right? yes but you’d have to be able to see the magnetic field to know which is which. this is so truly, utterly pointless. this will be one of the ones i look back at and just skim over, because i’m like, dude, there is nothing interesting about this one, and for some reason i wasn’t saying ANYTHING. but that’s ok i guess. it be that way sometimes. question: when it is like that (like this), should i just skip it instead because this is pointless? except that you never really know for sure whether it’s going to be like this or not until you start in. is it like this because i did the evening sesh so late? is it because of the last minute toke before bed? is it because i’m worried about work? is it because millie’s going to be down here in a few minutes and so therefor there’s time pressure? why does “therefore” have an “e” after it? Why did i just think of dairy queen? Why does i type a >? every time i want a ? why is there a word “everyday” that millions of students use wrong but there’s no word “everytime” or “everyyear”? why did i just hear millie’s footfalls making the upstairs hallway creak, making the downstairs ceiling creak, making the bathroom door creak? why can’t megan sleep through the night? She gets up like an old man to pee and then says she kant get back to sleep. is it oddly enough because of the sleeping pill? she seems quite rational when she says she thinks the lamotrigine helps. OK. I’m OK with that. I mean i guess it seems kind of flip or glib (i always forget the difference between those two shades, those two different colors of colored pencil, and so i always just grab both of them in my mind, just in case. puerile and callow, I know) to say so, but I mean I guess I’m OK with that for now. It’s just a pill, after all, right? and the shower blasts into life; it’s like cape fucking canaveral upsidedown up there; the yelling white and grey and pink and brown noise of the explosion of water, the rocket blast but nothing launches into space. millie gets clean instead. hehe i don’t know what i thought that was upside down. i don’t know why i didn’t quit already this morning and just go back to bed. yes i do. becaue if i had done that, i would have had a tiny little negative charge on me for the rest of the day. one electron out of orbit or whatever. one electron too many. whatever. i always use atomic metaphors like some kind of ill-informed 1950’s guy. i haven’t even stayed up to date enough to be baffled by all the stuff they added in the 80’s, let alone now. I mean, don’t you think it’s weird that I never heard about quantum physics in high school? I mean, i heard of it, but only because of Dean and his love affair with popular science and metaphysics books. But I mean shit, they’ve been talking about that shit since, what, the 50’s? And yet it takes until, what, haldf a century later for it even to be mentioned in school, do they even mention it in school now?? Do they teach anything about it at all? Or is it all just still Newtonian physics, Euclidean geometry, Aristotalean rhetoric, and maybe a mention of Einstein in passing just so you know that things get weird when they get really small and really fast and let’s just leave it at that, kids. Make sure to ask a bunch of questions on your notes that you never really had in the first place and that we never intend to even try to answer. I wonder how out of date MY shit is? I mean, language arts is different from physics, obviously, but still. How many 1950’s, or 40’s, or 1800’s or 1700’s or fucking Greek things are we still just trotting out without fully understanding the context of and the true history and rationale behind? Good thing I have a childishly rebellious mind when it comes to that stuff, so that at least I might be occasionally willing to say, well, maybe an essay doesn’t HAVE to be five paragraphs long with an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a completely pointless, pandering conclusion. But if it’s not that, what is it, and why, and how do we get a good grade, mr schulte? can you answer me that? and so the fun begins again.