120218 I was going to have a jankysesh®, and it was going to start with a thing I was thinking about in the basement, but then I got up here and did the following instead: - cleaned up the sink - put away the Hershey’s syrup - made coffee and put the last of the whoop cream in it - listened to megan and ian giggling to mario kart on the couch - flopped down with a big sigh on the bed and stared at the ceiling fan blades slowing down* - wondered if i could live with this non-retina display - felt that my feet are too warm in these socks - took the socks off - told cel that yes i would come up to tuck her in at 8:10 - thought about my mom and wondered if she’s feeling sad - typed the beginning of this list - wondered again if i could live with this shitty display - wondered how much i would miss this superior keyboard if i exchanged this for a macbook with a better display - because it’s either this or one of the new ones with the shitty keyboards, because i’m not getting a used one. there’s just too much to worry about with used computers - look, i know it sounds dumb, but i know myself, ok? it wouldn’t be a solution to TPITP. - listened to megan and ian giggle their way up the stairs, and wondered a bit, a bit reluctantly, what they’re going to do up there - got a little fluttery; the emergent sexuality of the young people in the house is making me feel all goosed up lately; it’s kind of fun when i forget to be annoyed or judgmental or afraid about it - thought about fucking stupid dumb computers again, and how this one has a better lid (because there’s a bezel, and an overhang to catch your finger on when you open it up), and a better keyboard (obviously), not just because it has real keys with a little space in between them, but also because it has real arrow keys, but a better AND worse trackpad (it’s not retardedly fucking insultingly ridiculousy fuck-me-up-the-nose too fucking huge like the new ones, but on the other hand you have to either click the shit out of it or else just use lift and tap; there’s no gliding and fake tapping like on the new ones), and a shittier display, which i probably would/will only care about when i’m not actually engaged fully in what i’m doing as far as writing is concerned, and i already knew all this, i already had it down cold, as a matter of fact, if i had my presentation notes down this cold I wouldn’t be worried about thursday at all--and yet i keep running over and over it in my stupid woozy flimsy head - why the fuck am i drinking coffee? - just because we had whoop cream left - it’s time to end this list I hate how everything everyone says is off the internet now. When dude was alive it was “everything everyone says is something from tv” and then the internet came along and promised to deliver us from that, and then the internet turned into tv and now it’s the same thing again. When i quoted dude, my mom turned (from her position in the kitchen) and looked at me and said, scoff, now honey that’s not true, but of course now we know it was true and that’s why dude was such a great writer. He let you feel like you were in on something that your mother wouldn’t quite get. OK, that’s not *the* reason he was a great writer of course; that would be stupid. But it was definitely part of the fireworks of youth. *Oh yeah, I remember what I was wondering about w/r/t the fan blades. Is there a moment when they stop moving? What does it mean to “stop” anyway? Does it just mean the change is now imperceptible? If the rate of (that particular) change is now zero, what was the exact unit of a moment when it went from being non-zero to being zero? How can ANYTHING ever make that leap? What is the smallest piece of time? Is there one? Is it the same if you’re asking about the difference between 99.999999999999...% of light speed and light speed? Are light speed and zero speed essentially the same, if they’re constant? Yeah, I really hate looking at this fugly low-res text. I thought it would be nostalgic or something; remind me of the old days and what being at the computer was like, but yeah, no. That’s not working. I just feel like my eyes are being forced to eat raw whole wheat flour with a serrated spoon. Ouch. Shit. But literally the only way to get THIS keyboard with THAT display is to get a used Mac. Period. This is literally the ONLY one they sell new (or even in the fucking refurb shop!) that’s got this keyboard. I think. I could be wrong about the refurb. Lemme check. Welp, so much for writing. I’m giving in to the virus that makes me a shittier person now. BYE!