111218 #pdp i learned something today i learned that if you think of people as a “good” or “bad” this or that, you’re probably a shitty teacher and kind of a boring person. so like this whole time i’ve been all internally anxious and gnashing about how afraid i am that millie’s going to be devasted when she goes to that audition. thinking like, holy crap, she can’t sing! but here’s the thing-- she can. so because she’s brave, she decided to offer to sing her audition measures for me and cel (megan was at her first night of work, otherwise i doubt it would’ve happened). i was like oh boy, bracing myself, trying to think what i would say. thinking of Honey Bunny’s cooking from that one comic book. so she got herself all nerved up, and did it, and cel was like “that sounded good” and went on being cel. Mil asked “Was that good,” and I was like “yeah! only thing i would say is maybe enunciate more. your consonants and stuff.” and she was like yeah. and then she keeps going. she keeps doing it again and again. because she’s brave and determined and way stronger than i was when i was her age. and so she keeps asking me was that good? or what was off about that? and i’m trying to offer suggestions without being a jerk about it, and finally i realize that the high note is restricted. i have her play me the original on her phone. ok, i get it. i’m like go ahead and wail that high note out. don’t hold back. she does a few choked off false starts. then, half laughing, i’m still kind of goading her on, and she just belts it out suddenly, then stops suddenly, thinking it was horrible, but i’m like *“Yeah!* That was it!” And it was! She can hit it. She did it like one more time, before she got self conscious again and tightened it back down out of shape. So then we start working on all this other stuff. Ditch the weird pitch bend on the last note. Then I have her play it for me again, and I see why the end was sounding so weird. She was going up and then coming back down chromatically at the end, but in the original it just goes down stepwise in a minor scale. She was trying to make it higher for some reason. I’m like dude, you can’t just make parts of it higher selectively! By this time we’re kind of laughing and hanging out, kind of in a groove, in a zone. A kind I don’t often get to get in with the mil dog. So we find the sheet music on the iPad--holy shit, it’s got like seven flats, but whatever--and sit at the piano and i try to coax her into hearing the intervals and reproducing that downward scale. She keeps making it go up a bunch of times, until finally--she starts making it go down. Sometimes she clamps down and chromatics it all up again. But sometimes she gets it pretty darn close. I told her we can keep working on stuff like that if she wants. Regardless of what happens at the audition tomorrow. And that’s it. That’s what being a teacher is. It’s not writing someone off because they can’t do something. It’s having fun and not being a dick and not being fakely sweet either. It’s finding that sweet spot of honesty without condescension. It’s hanging out with a fellow human being, trying to help out. Not because you’re a super genius--I mean shit, you should have heard some of the warbly squeakers I let out while trying to model the notes for her!--but because you’re there. It’s like oh, I’m up on this tree branch because I’m like 9 years old and you’re only 7, and I’m a little taller so I was able to get up here, but I like you and I want to play with you so I’m going to try and figure out a way to help you get up here too. Lower a rope or something. Nail some boards to the trunk to make steps. Just encourage you if you’re nervous. Whatever. There’s no big secret. It’s just a couple of people trying to figure something out. Because why not. So that happened. I feel better. I feel like a tiny bit less of a jerk. I feel less twisted up inside. Whatever happens now, at least I was part of the positive charge, instead of being part of the negative or even copping out and being a fucking deadbeat and just being neutral. I got down in the mud with her. It was fun. I hope she wants to do it again sometime. Regardless of what happens at the audition. And who knows what the competition is like. Maybe she’ll at least get into the chorus, and then she’ll have a reason to go be with her friends in a fun setting for another several weeks. And then the next thing will happen after that. I’m kind of done with that, but there’s a few seconds left on my timer, and this is my work, so, um. Yeah. Hm. Dunno. Now I got that phrase from the song stuck in my head. *LOVE ... that dead girl walking...!* She picked kind of a hard song too, though. What’s up with that? Well, like I said, she’s brave and strong. That’s my mil dog.