the zone Saturday, April 21, 2018 5:49 PM   the zone #life The eating drinking and buying is all about not thinking about the future or the past. It's great gross ballast to keep you mired in a horrible, swollen-tick present, wallpapered by your own narcissistic irony and so called wit, and by, of course, the ever-present glaring screens.   why am i depressed Saturday, April 21, 2018 5:50 PM   why am i depressed #life Everyone's getting old My plumbing doesn't work right, the flomax doesn’t work anymore and I can’t sleep through the night  I'm lonely I gave the best years of my life to a psychopathic leech I'll never be able to pay off my debt, I’m $65000 in debt and I feel so completely alone about that I can't afford everyone's braces and shit We're all slaves to bullshit technology Trump exists Everyone's turning into serfs My kids are going to be graduating into a slow-motion (and then maybe fast-motion) new great depression and i can't do shit about it They're chopping down all the trees Everything is a lie I don't know how to act around kids Megan thinks she's going to art school but refuses to draw anything but heads And she's a fucking bitch to cel unless certain people are watching The house Fucking stinks I can barely hear Libby when she talks ## When I get home: - Buy less junk food despite Megan's whining about it - Do something besides eat and drink and spend myself to satiety - Maybe actually learn more about how student loans work. Is there anyone who can help in any way? - Remember basic stuff like when Ruth said to Megan, "Save your money for your band trip instead of spending it on nose rings!" - see about running Linux etc, and get back to dealing with files in programs on my computer instead of relying on libraries, subscriptions, and services for everything (like photos for instance) - actively encourage the girls to “build your own world” instead of just waiting for the computer or the app to tell you what to do - don’t walk on eggshells around Megan; call out what needs to be called out, not to be mean but to be real. All while accepting that there’s only so much I can do. But nevertheless not abdicating whatever I can actually try, authentically. "An unjust state is more dangerous than terrorism, and too much security encourages an unjust state." - Stallman