Thursday 01:51:47 no ones ever going to give a shit can either mean it’s pointless or you’re free. you decide i guess. get in touch with your body, what if you could let go of the shame and enjoy your healthy perversions. big juicy cuckold strapon joy of life. run to it, run into it, embrace pain and fear and fatigue and pointlessness and the virulent stupidity of each character on each index card, plodding, plodding plodding, but just lift up your knee a little bit as an experiment and feel even for one second what “easy” might mean as you run. fuck it. why not. may as well be alive for a couple of days or years before you die again this time. Friday 09:18:00 i wake up feeling like a failure, like i should apologize to my kids for having picked me as a parent it’s a struggle to do anything constructive or helpful, let alone anything amazing. Friday 09:38:50 why then do i get up and begin one more stupid day? 1, read back over some things i wrote and honestly caught a twinge of “well at least i can write.” 2, Netty sent out an email and they want to use one of *my* esessions from last semester as an example on the website. 3, the girls still need and somehow trust me. 4, i like typing on this ipad. 5, i have a couple of the little orange pills left. Five reasons to get my ass out of bed. ought to suffice. and like The Deer said, going slow takes more guts than going fast.