07/25/2017 Unless you kind of invented it or gave birth to it or followed it truly like a magnet--if it was in any way prescribed to you as part of a “job,” it’s very likely that at least to some extent what you might in some social or professional situations call “passion for your work” is actually a consoling fiction, *like religion,* a synthetic archetype you’ve all too eagerly co-opted for yourself to make up for not having figured out how to game the system and be filthy fucking rich. 2017-07-26 but wait. is this really just about money? Or is it about genetics, resources, environment, abilities and strengths in general. in other words, why do we care as teachers. to what extent is an interest in advancing humanity as a group a self-serving or self-reassuring interest? #pdp Can you get better, even later in life (ie when you’re feeling old AF) at math, logic, problem solving, being a smarty pants? If you can only get incrementally better at something, is it even worth it? Why aren’t character attributes a zero sum game? Why isn’t life fair? Are some people worth more than others? What are teachers’ underlying sets of assumptions about what a person’s identity really is, what the “essence” of it is, and why we should care? Speaking of essence, what is the ultimate essential question? Is there a largest, highest, or lowest question that defines your life when you’re all done and ready to cash it all in? Are there different ones for different people? Different cultures? Are all questions, even the tiniest most brittle ones, microcosmic representations of some one overall question? Is that kind of what theory of everything means? Would the ultimate essential question be complex or simple? Would it have an answer? Do you enjoy people? Do you love them? Does love imply responsibility? Can you love some people but not others? Do you love yourself? Are people even really a distinct thing or is that a story we made up? Oh god, stories.... “Art” seems to be how you engage with the universal magical magnetism of essential questions without the obstruction of knowing (or thinking you know (or thinking you have to know)) the answers (or even what the questions are). You do “art” because you “love” it. How does that relate to all of the above? Art might be a locus between everything and nothing (ie, a differentiation from chaos), which is variation (ie not nothing) on a theme (ie not everything). Like looking at the shower tiles this morning- - how each one of them had a different little picture made of water blobs and they were all so perfect and random and different and the same and beautiful. Chaos returns in the form of the certain blobs that were being hit by the actual active water from the shower head though. You need that. Chaos engenders/regenerates life. Who are “you” in this scenario? Why does stuff end? Why does a high wear off, and worms of shame go to work on the meat of its deserted bones? Monday we stopped at the MOUSEHOUSE cheese store and got here late. Tuesday we ate at Dave’s, they went swimming and walking and ate pho at a little place, and we ordered Black Sheep coal-fired pizza for supper and got little sweets from the market down in the lobby. Wednesday we had Einstein’s bagels, they took the skyway to the library, we walked to Zen Box and ate really good small portions of Japanese food. Celi had short ribs, millie had one of those rice balls like an emoji and a squid dish, Libby had salmon sashimi and miso soup, and I got grilled salmon with a special salt blend, seaweed salad, and some kind of octupus balls i forgot the name of, then we walked to the hen house, which i knew about because Jason & Katie & Jodi & I ate lunch there, and had desserts. I had coffee. It was good. Now the littles are watching Descendents 2. Tomorrow we’re planning to go in the Foshay tower and then take the light rail to Mall of America. All I really know about Megan is she apparently has been going to band, went to physical therapy, and is going with Alex to the band party at school tonight. I hope to god there’s not much more to it than that. Earlier Jason and the rest said they would let me know when they were going out for drinks but they haven’t yet and I’m kind of ruminating on maybe they don’t want me to go with them but I don’t totally think that that’s probably it. I don’t actually want to go, but you know. It’s a little bit going to suck to have to go home and get to work on all the stuff from the conference, because you know, it’ll be actual work and I won’t be spending shitloads of money and eating out and feeling all vacationy and I’ll soon be out of little orange pills. But that’s OK. That’s how she go.