This time it was when I said “Megan, you can help too” after I pointed out stuff that needed to be cleaned up in the kitchen, and you were like “OK” but you kept playing your video game while Millie started cleaning up. Then I said again that you should help, and you were like “I’M SORRY” but you kept playing your video game. Then I said, getting probably audibly frustrated but I BELIEVE NOT ANYWHERE CLOSE TO YELLING BUT I REALIZE THAT CAN BE A MATTER OF PERCEPTION, “No you’re not; you’re still playing that video game.” And you said “OK, I’ll fucking sweep!” And I said, “Why is it ‘I’ll FUCKING sweep;’ I’m not asking you to do anything I wouldn’t ask--” and you cut me off, talking about how I always yell at you whenever you do “anything not stellar,” and it just fucking got to me and I said, “That’s way out of line, that’s just ridiculous,” etc etc, and then you started shrieking and screaming and you stormed upstairs. (Notice that you still didn’t actually do any sweeping.) You say I yell at you for stuff you do wrong or don’t do good enough, and you don’t get enough recognition for the stuff you do well. I don’t think I do yell at you. I think I go out of my way to be nice to you actually, even to the point of having a double standard between you and the other girls. Every time one of these little blowups happens, it seems to be the same pattern. You tell me to go away, leave you alone, etc, you just don’t want to talk about it. I don’t think that’s acceptable anymore, and I want to find some other way to start changing this pattern. To me it feels like a tantrum. I say something you don’t like, and if I insist, then you basically explode and tell me I yell at you all the time, and everything is totally negative. I feel like all the times we talk and are positive with each other just disappears and it is CRAZY FRUSTRATING to me and I feel betrayed and attacked and like the rug was pulled out from under my feet. Maybe we should both sit in with Greg next time. All I know is, everyone needs to help out and I know you do laundry, but honestly Millie does a bunch of stuff literally every day. I tell the littles what to do all day long. You’re the oldest, but you’re the one I have to be the most careful with all the time and I feel like you just want want want want and sometimes you can be very thoughtful and giving and you’re a hard worker by nature, but it’s like you have a blind spot around doing your share of certain family-related tasks, and if I treat you like I treat everyone else, then you fucking explode. I’m open to the idea that you’re not doing it on purpose. I’m open to the idea that I kind of suck at giving positive reinforcement in a consistent, enthusiastic manner. But I just can’t fucking help it--it feels like you’re being manipulative to get what you want. Like I know as in “KNOW” that there’s more to it than this, but honestly here’s what the bottom line feels like for me: any time I insist on telling you something you don’t want to hear, you throw a fucking fit. Like a fucking spoiled baby. *That’s not the image I WANT to have of you,* so I kind of ignore it sometimes, but it comes back full force when this thing happens. And any time this happens, if I point out that it’s a pattern, you act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You said, “This hasn’t happened for a long time” but you weren’t able to hear me when I kept saying, “I haven’t actually yelled at you for a long time.” SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING. And every time, I insist that we make a plan to sit and talk about it, and you’re like whatever I don’t care just leave me alone, and then I don’t even know if we ever do actually talk about it but what the fuck good is talking if it’s just me saying shit and you sitting there being sullen with the full force of your shields up. Nothing fucking changes. How do I take the personal shitty emotional shit out of this, and just deal with it? (2017)