Apparently I have a magic microphone. The guy that sold it to me said it was, but he didn’t say what it does. Because I am reckless by nature (not really) and bored with life (temporarily; long story), I’m going to go ahead and try it out. Plug it in... turn it on... umm, let’s see. What should I say? Who should I talk to? “Hello?” There’s kind of a weird echo, but nothing happens, not that I can tell, anyway. Well, whatever, I guess I’ll just keep going. “Well, hello. Crap, I already said that. I don’t even know who I’m talking to, and I still sound like a dork. Whatever. HELLO, okay, there, I said it again—oh my— okay, get a grip. Well, anyway. I don’t know who is hearing this or what you might make of it, and I don’t know what to say, but... I’m stalling, yes... Hmmm.... Let’s just say this: things have been a little rough lately. You know how everything used to be bright and full of colors and saturated with life force, and how there was like this electric hum in the air when you would go out for a walk with the dog or with your friends, or down by the lake? And how seeing people out on the street caused this little sizzling sensation of connection and possibility? Like everything just seemed awake and alive? I mean, not ALL the time, obviously, but a lot of the time. At least that’s how memory has filtered it out. Well, it just seems like lately that set of senses is a little dimmed. Like there’s something heavier or more dull or neutral about the atmosphere these days. Other people as often as not seem like they might be some vague kind of threat. Is that weird? I suppose that’s probably my fault. But I don’t know exactly what to do about it. I just—you know, I don’t think it has to be that way, but... I don’t know, do you have any advice for me?” There was a long pause. Eventually I figured out that the person on the receiving end of the microphone was me. LAME! What a rip off. I should go back to that shop and throw this stupid thing through that guy’s window. Imagine. A microphone that broadcasts to my own mind. Well I suppose it might not be ENTIRELY useless. Maybe there are some things I could say to myself or ask myself that could be in some way shape or form helpful. I dunno. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I need another cup of coffee. I’m going to unplug the mic for a while, and think about it. Maybe after a good rest, I’ll have some idea of what to say to myself.